Monday, January 26, 2009


I realized that in recent days, weeks, months that I have been lacking a certain something.

I mean, to read some of the entries i wrote a few posts down, it's pretty obvious that I've been feeling lost and lacking in something.

I didn't know what it was specifically, simply that i felt it was missing. I thought I couldn't make a difference in the world, I thought my purpose had abandoned me.

You see, fundamentally, i am an idealist at heart. I took the myers briggs tests several times in the past decade and every time my result is the same - ENFP - the champion idealist.

What does this mean? It means that at the core of who i am (even when times get tough and i think i might've lost my way), I believe.

Notice that there wasn't more to that sentence - there wasn't an "I believe in...." because that's not the point. The point for me is simply that when I get down to who I am, i am someone who believes.

I believe in the purpose of life, in the meaning inherent in things. I believe in the strength of people, the value of doing what's right. I believe in creating art that speaks from the soul, i believe in following your dreams.

I just believe.

I always have, I always will...even when i somehow feel like I've lost a part of me out there, even when believing is hard. Even when I think that there is nothing for me to believe in, I still believe that i must find my belief again.

And so I've set back out recently to discover what it is that I am lacking, what it is that I had lost. Because I was in that place again...the dark place where I was fumbling around trying to discover what I had misplaced and where it had been put.

I realized that the thing I had lost was not my belief, though I had feared that that was what it might have been. Instead i had lost my hope.

Belief comes easily to me. Belief, faith, trust....those are the cornerstones of who I am, they define and characterize me, they are me.

hope is the thing that keeps them on the right track. hope is what pulls them in the right direction...hope is what harnesses my belief and my faith and my trust and it really sets it on the correct course.

i had lost my ability to have hope, to think that it was going to work see the potential in the world.

I'm back. My hope is back. and i realized that hope isn't something that just arrives on its own...hope is an active state of living. Hope is something that you have to go out and live, you have to be hopeful, you must seek it, chase it, follow it, find it, LIVE it. Hope is truly a state of being.

and I'm willing to be hope.

at least, that's what I'm going to work on now.

Friday, January 16, 2009


our wonderful videographer has finished our wedding video! he brought it to my parent's house the other day and we watched it immediately. it is in a word: magnificent.

in my life i've encountered, on a fundamental level, two types of people...those who get me and those who don't. I was so thrilled to work with Pat because he legitimately definitely gets me. I gave him free reign to do whatever he wanted to with the video and the result is flawless and beautiful. I love it. It even has a quote from Dr. Seuss in the beginning and if you ask me, you can't really get much better than that.

the other bonus is he is a legitimately interesting person, so that's always good.

Not only that but he ALSO put up with my crazy antics during the planning process when I would email him at random and make probably crazy requests for our video. He even brought us in and let us record some stuff ahead of time that he used as voice-over. It was just such a beautiful creation and i'm sooooooooo, so thrilled with it.

He's definitely a genius and I'm going to be so excited when he's a famous director or something and i can say "OMG HE DID OUR WEDDING VIDEO!!!" hahaha

anyway, here's the short little montage thing that he did at the end. it's set to our first dance song and it's wonderful.

and honestly, if you need a videographer and you're in the philly, jersey, delaware, nyc area you should seriously go with him. He has no idea i'm even writing this so it's not like i'm somehow on his payroll or anything lol i just legitimately think he's rad.

check out his website ( and use him for your video stuff! he wins. for reals!

love and my wedding video is perfect,


Wednesday, January 14, 2009